dentist and rambling
Finished signing up for classes. 15 hours. Got other appointments taken care of- I got my teeth cleaned, made an appointment to have a temporary fill made permanent, and made a consultation with an orthodonist, because my teeth grinding is caused by my teeth having moved so much back and off-set my bite.
My goal list of things to improve basically boils down to stop enjoying being lazy and bringing out my inner anal-rententive obsessive-compulsive demon, which I've worked so hard to bury too, so I can actually stay on top of things and stop forgetting everything under the sun and losing things, organizing, etc, so I don't freak out and get overwhelmed by projects that take a lot of steps or planning.
Now, I think all this also has something to do with responsibility and adulthood, which is also really irritating, but it has more to do with the fact I really don't like losing things, being late, or appearing like a complete ditz constantly, because everyone just gets mad at me and it keeps getting me into trouble. So now after years of everyone being at their wits' end as to what the hell to do with me and my childish behaviour (although there isn't a whole lot I can do about the short term memory except to plug all events into my phone with little alarms, but then I have to know where my phone is all the time) I've just heaved a big huge sigh and rolled my eyes and said "Fiiiiiiine, I guess I'll try, but I still think it's really lame."
So maybe I can minimize this whole irresponsible disorganize flaky bitch thing I have going on and actually give the impression I make the grades that I do, and not let my friends down because I've forgotten what's going on or make them wait an hour because I'm not ready. (although I still think being a teeny late for a date is a somewhat acceptable stereotype).
So I have to dig out all my obsessive tendencies I don't generally like to waste time on because I'd rather do something else and make them a priority. ::sigh::
But I'm tired of the conflict and I'd rather have people be proud of me than continue to be a nuisance and get yelled at, so it's easier (sort of) to switch over to that part of myself (Virgo rising sign) then to continue to make so many people unhappy.
I suppose if college had continued to be like high school and I didn't have as many social contacts it wouldn't be as much of a problem, because there wouldn't be as much to manage.
In that way I'm kind of looking forward to a job, because then it all goes to the same building, at least in general, and you aren't running across several acres with a ten minute deadline to get to the room you need to be at to turn in a paper/project/assignment for teacher/boss/supervisor or they'll lock you out of a room. For the most part you just have to worry about different floors, possibly wings, and fighting elevators and flights of stairs.
I heard of Bill Gate's new schools he set up. I believe there are 64 of them. I dig this- they are completely paperless and bookless. All the books are on the computers and so are the assignments, mostly. I can't believe the amount of paper used up in so-called paperless offices. We all know logging is bad and that paper can be recycled, but I read in my Readymade book about how paper is made, and paper can only be recycled a few times before it breaks down and is useless, so it's not renewable, and the bleaching process to make it white is HORRIBLE, tons of toxins, very scary.
------->I'm going to ramble on a bit now- One of the reasons I don't have big scary girly loopy handwriting is because in elementary school at some point, or maybe in middle school, they told us about recycling again and the importance of saving paper, and i realized how much more paper it took me to write with that kind of handwriting, and so I deliberately made my handwriting really small and thin and close so I'd get more out of the sheets. I try to write front and back too, but it's hard with ink sometimes. I also always really loved my brother's handwriting, and so it's also partly modelled after his, and in 9th grade i started developing (on purpose) a cross between print and cursive, so i could take notes faster, so that's why some of my letters look odd or I flip back and forth. I don't like straight printing, it takes longer to write. I like ball point pens best, and I hate ergonomic pens or squishy grips, or really big fat pens- big round pens make my writing a bit loopy and big. Some nicer pens that are weighted right, the nice metal ones, I like to use but I'm afraid of losing them or don't like that they can't be refilled with new cartridges. I like pens that click, and twist out, but I break or unscrew them or somehow mess up the spring, etc. I *ALWAYS* break off the clips on the pens (unless they're the really nice heavy metal pens i just mentioned that cost like ten bucks, because they won't break). I chew on bic pen caps. The sound of someone writing on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil on a desk without a paper pad underneath drives me crazy. So does the feel of it if I forget and do it (the tip of the stylus, whatever it may be, catches on imperfections in the desk and makes a raspy noise, or catches on grooves and scratches if it's laminated or similar and fucks up my letters), so I always write in spiral notebooks or with several sheets (3 or more, not 2) underneath the first page. I have yet to find a gel pen that doesn't freeze up the ink on you, so after the last batch I bought (too many) I'm not going to buy anymore until they fucking foolproof it. I like uniballs liquid ink pens but they bleed and i doodle too much with them because they come in fun colours and waste the ink, and if the cap comes off they bleed in my backpack or on my page and waste the ink that way. It doesn't wash out of jeans either.
And there it is.
My goal list of things to improve basically boils down to stop enjoying being lazy and bringing out my inner anal-rententive obsessive-compulsive demon, which I've worked so hard to bury too, so I can actually stay on top of things and stop forgetting everything under the sun and losing things, organizing, etc, so I don't freak out and get overwhelmed by projects that take a lot of steps or planning.
Now, I think all this also has something to do with responsibility and adulthood, which is also really irritating, but it has more to do with the fact I really don't like losing things, being late, or appearing like a complete ditz constantly, because everyone just gets mad at me and it keeps getting me into trouble. So now after years of everyone being at their wits' end as to what the hell to do with me and my childish behaviour (although there isn't a whole lot I can do about the short term memory except to plug all events into my phone with little alarms, but then I have to know where my phone is all the time) I've just heaved a big huge sigh and rolled my eyes and said "Fiiiiiiine, I guess I'll try, but I still think it's really lame."
So maybe I can minimize this whole irresponsible disorganize flaky bitch thing I have going on and actually give the impression I make the grades that I do, and not let my friends down because I've forgotten what's going on or make them wait an hour because I'm not ready. (although I still think being a teeny late for a date is a somewhat acceptable stereotype).
So I have to dig out all my obsessive tendencies I don't generally like to waste time on because I'd rather do something else and make them a priority. ::sigh::
But I'm tired of the conflict and I'd rather have people be proud of me than continue to be a nuisance and get yelled at, so it's easier (sort of) to switch over to that part of myself (Virgo rising sign) then to continue to make so many people unhappy.
I suppose if college had continued to be like high school and I didn't have as many social contacts it wouldn't be as much of a problem, because there wouldn't be as much to manage.
In that way I'm kind of looking forward to a job, because then it all goes to the same building, at least in general, and you aren't running across several acres with a ten minute deadline to get to the room you need to be at to turn in a paper/project/assignment for teacher/boss/supervisor or they'll lock you out of a room. For the most part you just have to worry about different floors, possibly wings, and fighting elevators and flights of stairs.
I heard of Bill Gate's new schools he set up. I believe there are 64 of them. I dig this- they are completely paperless and bookless. All the books are on the computers and so are the assignments, mostly. I can't believe the amount of paper used up in so-called paperless offices. We all know logging is bad and that paper can be recycled, but I read in my Readymade book about how paper is made, and paper can only be recycled a few times before it breaks down and is useless, so it's not renewable, and the bleaching process to make it white is HORRIBLE, tons of toxins, very scary.
------->I'm going to ramble on a bit now- One of the reasons I don't have big scary girly loopy handwriting is because in elementary school at some point, or maybe in middle school, they told us about recycling again and the importance of saving paper, and i realized how much more paper it took me to write with that kind of handwriting, and so I deliberately made my handwriting really small and thin and close so I'd get more out of the sheets. I try to write front and back too, but it's hard with ink sometimes. I also always really loved my brother's handwriting, and so it's also partly modelled after his, and in 9th grade i started developing (on purpose) a cross between print and cursive, so i could take notes faster, so that's why some of my letters look odd or I flip back and forth. I don't like straight printing, it takes longer to write. I like ball point pens best, and I hate ergonomic pens or squishy grips, or really big fat pens- big round pens make my writing a bit loopy and big. Some nicer pens that are weighted right, the nice metal ones, I like to use but I'm afraid of losing them or don't like that they can't be refilled with new cartridges. I like pens that click, and twist out, but I break or unscrew them or somehow mess up the spring, etc. I *ALWAYS* break off the clips on the pens (unless they're the really nice heavy metal pens i just mentioned that cost like ten bucks, because they won't break). I chew on bic pen caps. The sound of someone writing on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil on a desk without a paper pad underneath drives me crazy. So does the feel of it if I forget and do it (the tip of the stylus, whatever it may be, catches on imperfections in the desk and makes a raspy noise, or catches on grooves and scratches if it's laminated or similar and fucks up my letters), so I always write in spiral notebooks or with several sheets (3 or more, not 2) underneath the first page. I have yet to find a gel pen that doesn't freeze up the ink on you, so after the last batch I bought (too many) I'm not going to buy anymore until they fucking foolproof it. I like uniballs liquid ink pens but they bleed and i doodle too much with them because they come in fun colours and waste the ink, and if the cap comes off they bleed in my backpack or on my page and waste the ink that way. It doesn't wash out of jeans either.
And there it is.
posted by Etoile @ 20:34
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