therapy day
Went back to school today with Mom to see my therapist in town. Had to get up at 8.
It was hard, because I'd taken 2 unisom and 3 ponstel that night so i could calm down and sleep. I did take my Topamax. I was getting very upset and freaked out and feeling very stressed. I don't remember why I felt so freaked, almost panicky, but I had such a tense feeling in my head, a not-quite-headache, possibly just from my muscles being so tensed or clenching my jaw or something, that it just felt like a pressure in my brain and it was so aggravating. I was pretty irate for a bit yesterday evening. I was very snappy and pissy all day. I just didn't feel good, mostly from my period, I think. I was pretty obsessive, doing things on the computer from about 330pm until 930pm, I think, when my mom kicked me off, and I didn't want to stop, and I was really pissed about it. Didn't eat much yesterday or drink much water, which probably contributed to my bitchiness. I think I fell asleep around 3 or so. Got 5 hours or so.
But all in all it all went pretty well, and I got almost everything done, and Mom and I decided to get the peace bear out to warn of impending Doom before we blow up at each other rather than waiting until we've hit our limit breaks. :) So that's good. And Mom has to work on just not taking it personally, and so do I when mom nags or forgets what I've said.
And i gave her my list of things I want to work on in our therapy sessions, and I think it'll all be good. I want to get this stuff down so I can stop screwing up so much and so next spring will go easier.
I explained to her about my being angry and pissed off yesterday and how I disliked the charts and how vague the symptoms were, because you can be depressed and upset and agitated and angry, but you can also be hypomanic and be like that or in a mixed state, and how I couldn't figure out where to put PISSED in that spectrum of "Manic" and "Depressed" with "Normal" in the middle. She said I sounded more like hypomanic. Whatever. I deter to the experts, I suppose.
I am definitely going to talk to my doc about upping my meds this next time. My moods are just all over the place and haven't been stable since mid-june. I don't know if that qualifies as a mixed state or what. But I really don't think my Topamax is levelling me out anymore, and that's bad. And I can't afford to have any crash and burns and this flip-flopping of my moods is really wearing me down. And I just want to have a good solid semester and go through Rush as smoothly as possible and focus on school and recruitment and sorority and get my grades up and find a job and get into a good routine of taking care of myself so the seasonal change won't hurt me so badly, and I can just overall be better.
And I really think I am capable of this, and I want to do it, because I'm tired of the fallout.
It was hard, because I'd taken 2 unisom and 3 ponstel that night so i could calm down and sleep. I did take my Topamax. I was getting very upset and freaked out and feeling very stressed. I don't remember why I felt so freaked, almost panicky, but I had such a tense feeling in my head, a not-quite-headache, possibly just from my muscles being so tensed or clenching my jaw or something, that it just felt like a pressure in my brain and it was so aggravating. I was pretty irate for a bit yesterday evening. I was very snappy and pissy all day. I just didn't feel good, mostly from my period, I think. I was pretty obsessive, doing things on the computer from about 330pm until 930pm, I think, when my mom kicked me off, and I didn't want to stop, and I was really pissed about it. Didn't eat much yesterday or drink much water, which probably contributed to my bitchiness. I think I fell asleep around 3 or so. Got 5 hours or so.
But all in all it all went pretty well, and I got almost everything done, and Mom and I decided to get the peace bear out to warn of impending Doom before we blow up at each other rather than waiting until we've hit our limit breaks. :) So that's good. And Mom has to work on just not taking it personally, and so do I when mom nags or forgets what I've said.
And i gave her my list of things I want to work on in our therapy sessions, and I think it'll all be good. I want to get this stuff down so I can stop screwing up so much and so next spring will go easier.
I explained to her about my being angry and pissed off yesterday and how I disliked the charts and how vague the symptoms were, because you can be depressed and upset and agitated and angry, but you can also be hypomanic and be like that or in a mixed state, and how I couldn't figure out where to put PISSED in that spectrum of "Manic" and "Depressed" with "Normal" in the middle. She said I sounded more like hypomanic. Whatever. I deter to the experts, I suppose.
I am definitely going to talk to my doc about upping my meds this next time. My moods are just all over the place and haven't been stable since mid-june. I don't know if that qualifies as a mixed state or what. But I really don't think my Topamax is levelling me out anymore, and that's bad. And I can't afford to have any crash and burns and this flip-flopping of my moods is really wearing me down. And I just want to have a good solid semester and go through Rush as smoothly as possible and focus on school and recruitment and sorority and get my grades up and find a job and get into a good routine of taking care of myself so the seasonal change won't hurt me so badly, and I can just overall be better.
And I really think I am capable of this, and I want to do it, because I'm tired of the fallout.
posted by Etoile @ 00:21
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home