home again...

I had an incredibly interesting week. Wednesday went Bambi again, with my first experience with dro(sp?) and OMG it was so fun and silly. and Thursday we got our new buddies with the girls, and of all the freaking cosmic humor, my girl is bi. And a greedy little kisser. It's too fucking much to believe, with the waitress hitting on me last friday, and dreaming wednesday night about that girl from my class asking me out, and then later thursday, THAT. ON TOP of the whole Touchstone thing.

So I had a big epiphany Thursday. I'm bi.

No gerrymandering about it.


.....I think I just didn't want to admit it before because it's just another thing I have to hide.

I see my shrink Tuesday. I don't know what I'll tell him of this shit yet. It's too complicated and weird.

My mom likes my hair, I think.

My dog is sick and I'm very worried. She has a bad infection in her ear. My poor puppy.

I'm kind of tired so this post is scattered.

swings...

I ended up crying last night. I don't know why. Touchstone was already asleep so he didn't notice. I didn't sleep well either. I'm going to stop taking my mood stabilizer. It's dragging me down and making me feel dead.

Reading Wuthering Heights again for class is actually almost entertaining. It's hard to focus on what my prof is saying though; she goes really fast. I really just...want to draw and not do homework, but I have to.

Watched Painters Painting today in class and I can't help but think they're pretentious and full of shit and furthermore, drunk.
My prof made this note towards the end of class-
"Now you have to take this all with a grain of salt and figure out for yourselves whether or not this is--" a student interjects- "Bullshit?" and my Prof continues "yes, Bullshit, or if they're actually really sincere. ANd furthermore, if you learn anything about being a serious artist, it's that you have to drink and smoke to become one." At which point I said, "Smoke what?" ANd he laughed a bit.
It was funny. We had an event for people wanting to join later tonight and I did well talking, for once. I think i'm going to pierce my tongue soon. It just needs to be done. That or my nose. I love the girl I got for my Rush Crush. I actually think she's rather cute. I asked Touchstone last night if I'm bicurious or if since I've had sex with a girl I'm past that point. I really just kind of consider myself a straight girl who likes to have sex.

Or a hedonist.

breakfast of champions...

I started my day by waking up and fooling around with Touchstone.

And sucking him off.

Because every now and then, you realize that whole "starting your day with breakfast" thing is a really good idea. LOL.

I can't even begin to say how strange the past few days have been.
My braces were killer and I've lost quite a bit of weight. I was down to 144, but I think it's climbed up a bit do to this week's indulgence. I'll remedy that now starting today, considering I haven't eaten anything except 1 Tab energy drink, and a Diet Dr. Pepper, and of course my "breakfast." HA.

Rush went great. I only fucked up once with the time and that was the last day, and the girl staying with me, a name twin no less, was really nice. Dropped by the starbucks in town for the first time and I'm pretty sure the guy hit on me. We had a freak accident the second day that no doubt will result in some serious new resolutions regarding decorations. The house next to us was really sweet helping out and so were the guys up the street. Nice to see Greek solidarity even if it's just for PR. Maybe it isn't, but it's nice to have support.
We got some great girls. And got some more this week too. I'm really happy and excited for us. But then again I'm pretty sure I'm manic so that could have something to do with it.

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on books this year, and now 3 of them are worthless because I quit my poetry class. It's been 4 years since i had anything to do with poetry, and it's a 400 level class, and I don't particularly like poetry, and the teacher is an absolute dick. I think I could do that class if it was anyone but him teaching. But I just can't see myself putting forth the effort necessary to make the grade I will want to make in that class with such an arrogant jackass for a prof. He's the kind of teacher whose lesson plan involves brainwashing you into thinking what he thinks, and with absolutely no breathing room, let alone elbow room, for alternate thoughts, ideas, or debate, and will literally call you out as a moron if you try. I can't be in that kind of class. Just can't. He'd fail me just for opening my mouth. And I can't care enough about poetry to try. Not for him.

Last Sunday I got baked with Touchstone and Leprechaun, and let me just say that was so wonderful. So fucking wonderful. All the accumulated tension of the past month exhaled out of me with the smoke from my lungs in a huge sigh. Bye bye evil feelings and crazy jangly wired up nerves. Hello peaceful green forests. Go Bambi go. And I went Bambi Wednesday and Saturday night too. Only problem is I could feel it the next day during class, which I don't like. So no more ever during the week. I like to keep my focus. But to finally, FINALLY mellow out and not feel so stressed was blissssssful.

Other interesting note is my new beau M. Touchstone. Which is so crazy and unexpected on my part I still have WTF moments. I mean, it's *Touchstone*. Sunday (the 27th) I went over like I said and we were all high, and I was giving him a back scratchy and he was giving Leprechaun one, when I slipped in and started being able to play with Touchstone's aura. And it buzzed and hummed and I could feel/see it and Touchstone could feel it too. Lep was a little left out and laying down at some point completely out of the loop and jealous, I thought, but apparently just so into his high he was quiet for once and in his own headspace (a relief from his usual verbosity). Playing with auras is kind of highly sexual, or maybe it just was because I hadn't gotten laid in so long and the last time I'd done this it'd resulted in epiphany/soul searching sex, and there was one of those little energy jumps and I had to stop because I was getting so giddy from the exchange and the charge that jolted me. So maybe that started it.
But then sometime later I was laying down and getting a backrub that felt sooooo good from Touchstone, and at the very very end, the fucker pulled my hair like the sneaky bastard he is. And I was so charged I couldn't hide how much I liked it and shook from head to toe.
And he asked me in the dirtiest softest low voice with a bit of an edge, "What was the best part of that massage?"

And I Thought for a bit.
And this is what I thought- ***That was Touchstone. He's Touchstone. Not on radar, off. He's affectionate with everyone. You're high. You're totally misreading that. But he pulled my hair. You're misreading it. But he just sounded really dirty. But it's TOUCHSTONE. OH GOD.***
And I didn't want to lie, and I didn't want to push too hard if I was wrong and sound like a dumbass, so I said- "The last part."

And then he did it again and again and again. Leprechaun was completely passed out and nearly sleeping not a foot away and there was this huge tension of possibly getting caught. It was so hot.

We woke him up and I was hungry, so we went to Whataburger and then dropped Sean off. I was having terrible visual drag and tracers so I stayed, still not completely sure I'd stay over but kind of fairly certain I would. And I did.

Touchstone is very, very good with his hands.


I never would've guessed this would have happened at all. I had thought he didn't like me at all because of Leprechaun and what he'd been saying about me and bitching and moaning. T said it was more to do with hearing both sides of it from Lep and Fencer and how neither one would take his advice and then, of course, not knowing me very well. But that he always thought I was cute.
What sucks is that we have to keep it a *secret* because of Leprechaun and Fencer both being on my ass. So we've created alter egos to refer to each other by. It's hilarious. It's become a game we're playing on everyone- How Long Will It Take All Our Friends to Catch On? Stuff with Lep came to a head Saturday night because we were all watching the Shining and he and his friend decided to show up instead of going to a theatre party and interrupt, rudely, and just watched it with us. I was a bit drunk from finishing off my gin drink that I started on the night before (Friday) with Buddy Sis and ex-sis Puff while watching The Emperor's New Groove. And I went off on him for calling me a slut Wednesday, because I didn't accept his apology from earlier. And he was upset and jealous I sat closer to Touchstone the whole time and then an hour and half later just got up and walked out, and Touchstone and he had a manly talk, his friend left, and it was all awkward and I thought he was being really retarded, and finally he came back in and then he and I went out to talk and I missed the end of the Shining. He said blah blah blah blah blah you'll never be able to trust me because I'll always be scheming to get in your pants or date you blah blah blah you and Touchstone are the only people I can't work out and manipulate blah blah blah I'm actually a virgin (that was the only new piece of info) blah blah blah I'm in love with you- I corrected him here and told him he was infatuated, not in love- blah blah it's been a year now and I want to be your friend but it just kills me blah blah blah. ALL shit I already knew. It's not my fault he's a moron about this. Any guy who tried so hard to impress me would merit my disdain equally. He's a fucking submissive and there is no way around it. I am better than him. I have already dated him, and that was #1, the Loser now turned Godboy. Good grief what is it with these guys being absolute pussies when it comes to me? I DON'T WANT IT.

Thank God Touchstone seems a little more dignified. ::knock on wood:: here's hoping....god....

I slept over every day last week except Thursday night. Showered together twice...I still can't believe all this. It's so bizarre to have no clue and then WHAM. WTF? What do you mean you like me?
But I like it. He's been very very sweet. Only his roommates know, and they know it's a secret.

I've been ridiculously happy this week.

Ditzy blonde and happy, and I can't recognize myself in the mirror with my hair so short. I'm making a new person here. Molding something new. I'm very hopeful it'll all work out.